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Mary

"Nothing fucking matters.  There is no point to my life and existence.  I can't just sit here worrying if the world's gonna end.  If the world ends, so what?  Then everything dies and no one will be around to care.  But if it doesn't matter if the world ends, it doesn't matter if I end.  Or if anyone ends.  What's the fucking point?  And then if I care if the world ends, I'm always worrying that it might.  Is there a fucking middle ground?  Why isn't everybody else freaking out?  What's the fucking point of it all anyway?  It's not like I'm really all that important to anyone.  The only things that depend on me for anything, that really require my existance to exist at all are my rat, who fucking hates me, and one of my cats, and my parents are probably going to have him put to sleep anyway.  None of my projects are worth anything, and I'll never amount to anything.  I'm always worried about something, except when I'm engrossed in something everyone else finds moronic and childish.  So why am I so hesitant?  Why don't I just do it?  Get it the fuck over with and stop worrying and freaking out and getting in everyone's way.  Why?  What's wrong with me?  Why am I feeling this way?  Why can't I end this?  Why am I still here?"

This is what I was thinking just a few minutes ago.  The thoughts have passed, and the feelings are passing, but as I read over this I have on major thought.

What.  The.  Fuck.  Is.  Wrong.  With.  Me.

This should be a happy entry.  My neice Georgia was just born this afternoon.  I held her.  She was so cute and innocent.  How can I think that it wouldn't matter if she "ended?"  What is wrong with me?  Why am I having such dark thoughts today?  Why am I so anxious?  I should be happy for God's sake!

As much as I hate to admit it, and as much as I hate shoving a pill down my throat every morning, I think I need to go back on medication. 
 
 
Location: home
Mood: depressedfcked up in the head
Music: Disturbed "Inside the Fire" (believe it or not, it makes me feel better)
 
 
Mary
"Nothing fucking matters.  There is no point to my life and existence.  I can't just sit here worrying if the world's gonna end.  If the world ends, so what.  Then everything dies and no one will be around to care.  But if it doesn't matter if the world ends, it doesn't matter if I end.  Or if anyone ends.  What's the fucking point?  And then if I care if the world ends, I'm always worrying that it might.  Is there a fucking middle ground?  Why isn't everybody else freaking out?  What's the fucking point of it all anyway?  It's not like I'm really all that important to anyone.  The only things that depend on me for anything, that really require my existance to exist at all are my rat, who fucking hates me, and one of my cats, and my parents are probably going to have him put to sleep anyway.  None of my projects are worth anything, and I'll never amount to anything.  I'm always worried about something, except when I'm engrossed in something everyone else finds moronic and childish.  So why am I so hesitant?  Why don't I just do it?  Get it the fuck over with and stop worrying and freaking out and getting in everyone's way.  Why?  What's wrong with me?  Why am I feeling this way?  Why can't I end this?  Why am I still here?"

This is what I was thinking just a few minutes ago.  The thoughts have passed, and the feelings are passing, but as I read over this I have on major thought.

What.  The.  Fuck.  Is.  Wrong.  With.  Me.

This should be a happy entry.  My neice Georgia was just born this afternoon.  I held her.  She was so cute and innocent.  How can I think that it wouldn't matter if she "ended?"  What is wrong with me?  Why am I having such dark thoughts today?  Why am I so anxious?  I should be happy for God's sake!

As much as I hate to admit it, and as much as I hate shoving a pill down my throat every morning, I think I need to go back on medication. 
 
 
Location: home
Mood: depressedfcked up in the head
Music: Disturbed "Inside the Fire" (believe it or not, it makes me feel better)
 
 
Mary
19 August 2008 @ 04:31 pm
Ianto Jones is 25 today!  Congrats, Yan!  Hope they don't kill you off before your 26th!
 
 
Mary
08 August 2008 @ 08:50 pm
Happy Axel Day!!!
 
 
Mary
13 May 2008 @ 03:55 pm
5-13-8!

If you don't know why that's special, too bad.
 
 
 
Mary
01 May 2008 @ 02:20 pm
*facepalm*  I totally forgot today was Rabbit-Rabbit Day.  I didn't remember until like noon.

[way to go genius]

Shut up dumbass.

[you only call me dumbass because you can't think of a better insult]

Emo bitch boy.

[ok, that was a little more creative]

*pause*

[i'm not emo!!!]

I know I'm not but what aren't you?

[......whatever]

<NO FIGHTY!>

[.........]

.........

<That's better ^_^>

[...fighty?]

I don't know.
 
 
Location: Baltimore
Mood: nostalgic*facepalm*
Music: Evanescence "Bring Me to Life"
 
 
Mary
30 April 2008 @ 01:32 pm
Now it's Goat's Birthday!  Happy Birthday Goat!

[.....whatever]

<Yay!  Happy Birfday to youuu!  Happy Birfday to youuu!>

[please shut up]

Happy Biiirthday dear Goo-oooat!

[ugh, no singing!]

(together) Haaapy Biiiirthday to youuuuu!

[i hate you both]

We love you too, Goat.

[go away]

<Birfday hug time!>

[ah!  no!  get the hell away from me!]

<*huggles Goat*>

[>_<]

And now for your birthday present!

[oh god, what now?]

Let's go, Keef!

<Kay.  Bye Goat!>

[wait, where are you going?]

This is your present.  We're leaving you alone for the rest of the day.  Come on Keef!  Have fun Goat.  Try not to screw up my mind, ok?

[uh, ....ok]

Bye.  See you tomorrow for Rabbit-Rabbit Day!

[um, ....bye]

*leaves*

[so, yeah]

[......>_>]

[<_<]

[wow, their really gone]

*awkward pause*

[o_0 how do you leave your own mind?]

*silence*

[heh]

*crickets chirping*

[well, all day with no keef bugging me or mary asking me stupid questions.  peace and quiet for once.  all day.  nobody around to bother me.  let's see, what should i do first?]

[>_>]

[<_<]

[PARTYYYYYYY!  WHOOOOOO!]
 
 
Location: [baltimore]
Mood: indescribable[goatish]
Music: [the sweet, sweet sound of silence]
 
 
Mary
29 April 2008 @ 02:20 pm

One year ago today, Keef first appeared in my head.  Happy Birthday Keef!

<Yay!  Birfday!>

[eh]

<Goat wants cake?>

[.....sure]

Try to be a little enthusiastic.

[......yay]

Whatever.  Aren't you even going to say happy birthday?

[no]

<Waaa!  Why?>

[because you asked me to.  now i'm  not going to do it just to spite you]

<.......You suck!>

[whatever]

*sigh*  Happy Birthday from me anyway Keef.  You wanna play Monopoly later?

<Yay!  I'll be the Real Estate Office!>

[you mean you're going to play monopoly with yourself?]

Yeah, why not?  I do it all the time.

[god you're pathetic]

I've missed you too, Goat.

[ugh]

Anyway, I better go.  Say goodbye guys.

<Bye Bye!  *sings to self*  Happy Birfday to me!  Happy Birfday to me!>

[whatever]

Later!



[.....happy birthday keef]

 
 
Location: Baltimore
Mood: weirdweird
Music: Keef, "Happy Birfday to Me!"
 
 
Mary
28 April 2008 @ 10:06 am

I made a mistake about the date.  Go check the next entry.

 
 
Location: Baltimore
Mood: uncomfortable*facepalm*
 
 
Mary
26 April 2008 @ 10:47 am

It's my livejournal's first birthday today!   Yay!  *throws confetti*  Break out the cake and balloons!

<Yay!!  Cake and Balloons!>

OMG it's Keef!!  Hi Keef!

<Hi hi!!!!>

[yo]

Hey, Goat!  I missed you guys!  I never did finish that comic I was gonna make of you.

[lazy cretin]

Shut up, Goat.  Hey, everybody, look!  The voices in my head are back!  Yay!!

[god, you're wierd]

<But we love you anyway!>

[speak for yourself]

Oh, come on Goat.

[...yeah, I missed you too.  without you i've just got the hyper idiot to talk to]

<Aw, Keef loves Goat!>

[oh, don't start with that third person crap again]

Okay, I'm gonna end this before I lose control of it.  Bye! 

 
 
Location: Baltimore
Mood: crazycrazy
Music: Haydn, Symphony No. 94, II